Cao Dai Country

So (how many of these blog entries start with 'so'?  I am getting samey in my written expression), whilst it turns out that crunch time at a School of Perfection means pretty much the same thing as crunch time at the Monkey Hunter Banana Academy, except with more people telling you 'you can do it', and fewer people telling you that you're not doing a good enough job, (Ahaha.  Libel.) there has still been time for an adventure of epic and Li Hi proportions.

For some time I have been fascinated, nay, obsessed, by a magical place introduced to me by Graham Greene in an obscure chapter of 'The Quiet American' that spoke of a strange and wondrous religion called Caodaism.  Like Buddhism or Taoism, but not.  However, the 'not' - the differences - are so beautifully and insanely impressive, that I began to Google images of an apparent temple some three hours away by bus from Ho Chi Minh.  On the internet, I was met with images such as this:


WOW, you guys.  Right?  Have you ever, in your entire, spiritual lives, seen anything as horrifically, tackily exciting as that?  It gets better, but let's not jump straight to the finale, let's build up some tension first.

Using my trusty navigation tool, Google Maps, I figured out that it would take me around 4.5 hours to get to the Chief Temple of the Saigon area on Little Moto.  Now that's quite a long time to spend hanging out on your own, even when there are PINK DRAGONS at the end of the ride, and as my Li Hi nature is also balanced out by Captain Safety since the Frightening River Experience, the thought of breaking down surrounded by rice paddies without a friend to lift my spirits was also unattractive.  But who could I ask to accompany me on an expedition with such an offensively colourful outcome?  To sit for 4.5 hours on a hard moped seat that would render even the most padded of arse-cheeks aching wrecks?  To agree to be coated in a film of road-dust and sweat and sunburn and lorry fumes a centimetre thick?

Hmmm...

Hmmm...

Well, Risk or Death, of course!  Now, I appreciate that she looks more sane than me in this photo, but when I visited her, in her boredom, she was about to abseil down the side of our 28 story apartment block before dinnertime.  Y'know, just for shits and giggles.  I asked her to hold on a second, and suggested my proposition, and she put her bee-line on hold to check her diary.  Luckily, in between 'Friday: skydive' and 'Sunday: lion taming', was a free spot.  Great news!

So, after double checking we were both awake at 6:30am on a Saturday morning through a series of can-we-get-out-of-it-now texts, we set off.  Here follows a pictoral account of some highlights of the journey out (name that novel):

Vietnamese coffee at a local cafe in District 1.  Gross, but we are so Vietnam right now.

Sticky rice parcels at a roadside market.

Me: I have rules about eating food I can't see the inside of.
RoD: Why?
Me: Once, Lizzie ate a dim sum that had rotten egg in it.  You never know when there's going to be egg.
RoD: Well... this is just rice and beans.  Like rice pud- oh.  There's egg.

RoD: Do you have one with coconut?  Coconut?  (more emphasised upward inflection) Coconut?  (making 'coconut' shape with hands) Coconut?
Vietnamese market shopper: Ah... no, it banana!
RoD: Oh.  Well, banana will do... (some three minutes later).  What is this?
Me: Egg?
RoD: Oh!  It is coconut!

Let's be honest.  It looks like egg.  But we are so Vietnam.

Endless expanses of big, flat, green rice fields.  They look way greener when you're driving past them.  Just trust me.

Now, this was amazing.  How friendly do these guys look?  Pretty friendly, right?  Well, you're right, they were pretty friendly.  On the road to Tay Ninh (expertly navigated by Risk or Death's Google Maps App - but I still hate Apple), we suddenly discovered that Caodaism wasn't just a one-off, unique massive temple, thing.  There was, in fact a whole Cao Dai Country filled with little Cao Dai templettes!  Wow!  I mean, really, wow!  Call me slightly naive in the way I am impressed by most things, but this was really, really cool!  I'd like to put a double exclamation mark, but my Father's Grammar Voice and Detestation of J.K. Rowling just won't let me.

But wow!  This religion literally only exists in small parts of Vietnam, but they love it.  And it's mental!  Not that I would ever be disrespectful of other peoples' faiths, but just WAIT until the end of this blog! !! ! !!  Sorry.  Uncontrollable excitement.

But anyway, I pulled up and said, 'Risk or Death, this is it.  I'm 99% sure this is it.'  Turns out it wasn't 'It' - resonance of Jack Kerouac here.  Gosh, this is a literary blog.  However, these ladies were the Mrs. Louise Clay church wardens of the Cao Dai world, and absolutely invited us to eat with them, and they gave us rice and let us hang out with them, and we took pictures, and they pointed at things in the temple and spoke Vietnamese to us and we nodded in appreciation and I even had a full on conversation:

Cao Dai Lady: (in Vietnamese) where have you come from?
Me: ...?
CDL: come from, idiot English girl, come from?
Me: oh!  Come from?  Saigon!
CDL: (nodding) Ah... Saigon.

Fluent in Vietnamese.  Yes.

Anyway, after some hammock resting:

And some hill-posing:

We finally (we got lost) arrived at our destination:

The biggest Caodaist temple in the Saigon area.  Somebody actually spent the money and time to build this place!  I mean, come on!  If there are wackier or more awesome places in the world, with more insane logic behind them, I would like you to find them for me.

Our reaction:

No way.

So we took a look inside.  The wardens here, by the way, were nowhere near as nice as Mrs. Louise Clay or the nice ladies we'd spoken to at the previous templette, but all was forgiven when we saw this:

...

Literally, no words.  This was my Holy Grail.  I'd seen it on the internet, but I wanted to see it, in all it's plaster of paris glory.  O. M. G.  The All-Seeing-Eye, guys!  This religion has a pretty significant following!  Makes you genuinely question the logic behind your own religious beliefs, right?  One man's All-Seeing-Eye is probably just another man's crucifix...  and this is a devout, if slightly sloppy Protestant talking.

My favourite bit was this:

Can you see the trap door?  That means someone is living in there, maybe Cao Dai himself?  And they feed him on fruit offerings that he comes out at night to gorge himself on.

Second favourite:

For those who can't see, we've got Abraham at the bottom (I think), Jesus second, some dude with a beard and then Buddha.  Caodaism is the most inclusive religion ever.  These guys want to please everyone!  I'd like to make a political joke about the Lib Dems here, but I don't feel politically qualified enough to do so.  If I did, the general gist would be that Lib Dems aren't assertive, they just agree with other parties to avoid criticism, but then get criticism anyway, so it's ironic.

...I've ruined the joke, right?

And maybe exposed my utter ignorance of politics.

Back to where I do feel qualified, which is round about here:

Hahaha.  Phallic.  Dr. Zeus willies in temples - what's not to love?

So.  All in all, a pretty amazeballs adventure, filled with the politically incorrect defaming of a religion alternative to, but not exclusive of my own.  For any offense I may have caused, I am truly sorry.  Especially to this lady here, who looks genuinely at peace, and in a state of zen in her candyfloss, unicorn temple of dragons and powder puffs: