Bangkok

So.  Yes, 'so'.  As good a way as any to continue with a blog of awesomeness.  Bangkok, hey?  Why not, I thought.  Those chaps in those films seemed to enjoy themselves and have a jolly old laugh, so why not me?  Those who know me, however, may be surprised to hear that I have not had exactly the same experience as Fitty McCooper Bradleyson.  I know: shocker.  'Ladyboys' and 'Emma' just seem synonymous with each other, don't they?  Well, I decided to resist my never-harboured urges and instead spent time visiting all the Buddhas in Bangkok in order to decide which was my favourite.

Those who know me will also be aware that I very much enjoy walking.  It's like running, all you healthy, sportsbods out there, except less traumatic and slower, which is very important in 34 degree Thai heat.  So, in effect, my 3 hour stroll through China town to the 5.5 tonne solid gold Buddha at Wat Traimit, and then to the hiatus of the jade Buddha at the Royal Palace, finishing with the awesome lying-down enormous lazy Buddha at Wat Pho was like a Buddha pilgrimage.



Solid GOLD!



Jade Buddha: you're not allowed to look directly at it.

Would the Vietnamese market ladies dare tell Buddha that he was a 'vey big laydee'?

Conclusion: can't argue with an enormous, sleeping Buddha with mother-of-pearl feet.  Awesome.

Along the way, I also discovered that Thailand has a royal family, and do many things that appeared very familiar to me.  Now I love a good royal family, especially when there is a museum dedicated to them with portraits showing family resemblances and family trees and royal barges and... wait a second... I became increasingly suspicious about this - the list of strange, deja vu prompters went on: pruned gardens, changing of the guard, charity work... I couldn't quite put my finger on it until I walked a very long and unnecessary way to what the Thais call Ananta Samakhom Throne Hall, which is, in fact, Buckingham Palace.  When I manage to upload photos, I will dare you to argue with me.  Having seen this building, I realised that the Thai royals are just Windsor Wannabes.  I'm sorry to say it, but they are.  Not that imitation isn't the purest form of flattery, but I wish somebody had just come out and said it to me instead of leaving me to spend a weekend feeling increasingly creeped out: I saw ugly demons guarding a gold-leaf temple - definitely Thai.  Then I saw a pristine lawn, and a sign saying 'Keep off the Lawn' and I drank two of the best cups of Earl Grey that I've had since Christmas... wha...  where... who?  Odd, twilight zone...



Look familiar?

In short, other than the mosquito bites, and haunting voice reminding me that I laugh in the face of anti-malarials, Bangkok has been fun!  I'm off to lie on a beach for four days this evening, and seem to have regressed to my 20-year-old self, except without Lizzie to egg me on in foolish decision making:
Me: can I get a ticket for the 10 hour, overnight journey to Krabi tomorrow, please?
Train ticket man: there are only sitting seats left.
Me: no berths?
TTM: no.  Air con?
Me: yes, air con, please.
TTM: sitting?
Me: yes, sitting, please.
TTM: for ten hours, between 10:30pm and 8:30am?
Me: yes, sounds great!  How much?

Should be able to upload photos upon my return to Vietnam in a week, if not sooner.  Shall ensure that I take some good 'look how tanned I am, is it still raining in England?' photos.  Because I know you'll appreciate them.