Krabi

So, despite my reservations that i was far too old to properly enjoy a gap yah! , Thailand has fully lived up to expectations. Not only do they understand tea: 

But I have also had a near-flawless record run with my passport, other than a brief ten minutes where I handed back a rented moped, skipped off down the road, bought an ice cream, posted a postcard and then remembered that poor little passport was still stored safely in the seat of the previously mentioned moped. Luckily, my 'check-the-passport' prompts are becoming more frequent, thus reducing the likelihood of a repetition of the Canada or Borneo Affair.

Now, when you think of Thailand, I am sure that many of you think of this:

Or this:

Happily, this is also what I think of when I think of Thailand, and despite a nightmarishly long train and bus journey from Bangkok to Krabi, this is the Thailand I saw. In Krabi, I checked myself into a suitably 'Robby-Carlyle-dies-of-the-plague-at-the-beginning-of-The-Beach' hostel and decided that now was the time to take matters into my own hands. So successful has my relationship with Little Moto been, that I decided to have a transport affair with Thai Moto, and quickly zipped off to see sunset at this beach:

Overjoyed with this picture-perfect success, I proceeded to plan an epic adventure to Koh Lanta, the island that had refused to offer me accomodation. So at 7am the next day, I rode off into the sunrise, stopping for a Twilight Zone visit to Tesco Lotus, thinking of Amy at every suspicious step round the aisles, and then on into rubber and palm oil plantations until I reached the ferry that took me to Koh Lanta Noi, and this entirely deserted beach:

I had the actual, entire beach to myself, yo! It was also Frenchie's birthday that day. I could have spent my money flying to where he is, but I'm a selfish and heartless cow, so I made him this instead:

Not quite the same as human contact, but to spoil him would be to ruin him.

Zipped onwards to the second ferry and Koh Lanta Yai where all the development is, and popped into a set of bungalows for the sheer fact that there was rhyming in their name: 'Time for Lime'. Who can resist such poetry? Not me! Turns out that the bungalows also double up as Koh Lanta's only official animal shelter! This was great! I love cats, and don't feel that dogs should be abused without due cause! Luckily, 'booked up' meant that they had one room left, so I spent an afternoon and morning here:

Oh, and moved on a day later to the sunset here:

Me lying on the beach burning, writing my next bestseller and collecting really stinky shells is boring to read about but here are some amusing highlights:

- I got bitten IN MY BELLYBUTTON and on the SOLES OF MY FEET, despite repellent, proving that we must wage aggressive, merciless and immediate war against the whole mosquito race.
- Shells really, really stink, and I'm currently sitting on my own row in the airport lounge, I think because of the stench coming from my bag, but they are, like, way impressive and pretty.
- Always put suntan lotion on your feet, yo! No matter how sticky, sandy and annoying. They have feelings, too.
- On the way to the airport an awesomely huge dragon-lizard crossed the road. My camera was packed, so I can assure you that it was a whole lot bigger than MY FACE - almost as big as me. Maybe bigger than the car, for sure. It was enormous. Like a dinosaur.
- Stupid people don't understand how tides work. Some stroppy tourist rocked up at high tide and lamented long and hard that she was 'so disappointed with the beach' as there 'was none'. Idiot. Two hours later: lo and behold! The beach!

So far two people have moved away from my row because of my reeking shells. I don't know how I am going to control my gag reflex with them in a confined space...